What do you bleed?

I sat down in the coffeeshop this morning, enjoyed hearing the Ghostbusters theme song before my friend Tom arrived. Tom and I meet about once a week and chat about the great mysteries of the universe, which usually means that we discuss marriage. 

This morning we talked about character and suffering. Romans 5 says: 

 "...we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

I had mentioned to Tom that I was wanting peace in my life and a love that doesn't just love others for what I can get out of them - whether it's to soothe my insecurities or just get some selfishness satiated. "Yeah, that's a good thing to want but the trouble is that that kind of peace and freedom inside come through suffering," Tom said. 

There's a funny line in 1 Peter about how "those who have suffered in the body are done with sin". I've always been confused by that line. The next line describes that suffering breaks the habit of living for our own selfish desires and frees us to live like and for Jesus. I still don't totally get it honestly. It is a reality that life will hurt us. We will get punctured by the stabs of life - but what will flow out through those wounds? 

I feel cheated sometimes when I encounter suffering in my life. I want to get what I want. And so my "desires battle within me" (James 4). Often when life punctures me I bleed out resentment from a heart-center of entitlement.  My sufferings do not yet bleed out in character and hope. The hard work of storing up beauty and goodness and pure love for God and others for their own sake is a slow work - a work of perseverance. 

People will not always treat us well, life will pierce us, we will even suffer the bludgeoning consequences of our own actions - what is it about Jesus that when he was pierced healing life bled out from his center? Not resentment, not cynicism or bitterness - but living water poured out from his wounds, a river for our healing. I want my heart to store up a love like his for others, a love that loves not for what I can get for myself but that delights in the blessing of others. 

Jesus' broken body and poured out blood feed and nourish. His most bitter experience brought a flow of sweet water to refresh us. What do I bleed when punctured?