Forth-giving, forgiveness

I read a little Walt Wangerin, Jr. this morning at my friend Kevan Chandler's house. The collection of stories is called "Ragman" and I recommend picking it up. The title story is only two and a half pages long and you'll likely be crying by the end of it. Later in the book is a letter written to Walt's brother Greg on the occasion of Greg's marriage. Two things

Walt said that struck me:

Firstly, Vows are unchangeable things in the midst of constantly changing circumstances. We always breath out a shaft of clear light into a strange unknown when we make a vow to love another person. We never really know all that it means. We cannot know. Mystery. Meaning and implication are too much to grasp. We choose to love because love is true, we lay down our lives like Jesus not because we really understand what we are doing, but because it is the only True thing to do.

Secondly, Forgiveness is the most important part of a marriage. I can't help but notice that this word is made out of the word 'to give'. Forgiveness means "forward-giving" or "forth-giving", to give forth. When hurt, fear, sin, selfishness, or any other means of division has brought brokenness and we've withdrawn ourselves from each other, forgiveness is how we give-forth our love again. It's the only way we can draw near in love after the divorcing power of sin.

God has forth-given his love to us after we were taken from him by sin and selfishness. Jesus walked toward us and into our sin, through it to kill it on the Cross, and gave himself to us. Forth-giving. Forgiveness.

We have been removed even from ourselves by sin! God has purchased us. The Son has given the children back to the Father and the Father brings forth the healed Bride and gives her to the Son. Likewise God is forth-giving us back to ourselves. Because he has forgiven us, we can forgive ourselves. No longer must we be divided and at war within, living in guilt, regret, hatred or bitterness.

God gives us back to himself, gives us back to ourselves, and we imitate. We give ourselves back to him and to others. We forth-give our love to others when in unforgiveness we had removed our love from them. And here's a last mystery: even we participate in the giving of others back to themselves when we forgive.

Never withhold love. It is for giving.

Life really matters

Yesterday I had a long phone conversation with my dear friend Brian Mulder. He and I toured together last Fall and now he's back in Michigan getting ready to embark on an epic bicyclic exercise of trans-national proportions. He's doing Blood:Water Mission's Ride:Well Tour. If storks (the birds) wore leg garments I could probably qualify to be a trouser model on their behalf. I mean, I just ran a mile non-stop for the first time in my life this past week. I am very proud of that, and ashamed. Brian, on the other hand, will be fine. It is always sweet to be a part of his life and adventures.

Nearly two years ago my roommate Rajesh asked if he could invite his friend, who was in a difficult living situation, to join us here in this house. I really didn't want to say yes. In fact, I said no. Several weeks later, he insisted that his friend needed a better living situation. So I said we could try it if it were only for a little while, since we just didn't have room. So six months became twenty or so months. And now Sashi is heading to California to a new job and I'll be missing a great friend.

When I was in seventh or eighth grade we got our first youth minister at the church were I grew up. Two years ago I flew to East Asia to visit him and yesterday I heard him speaking the spanish that he's learning in Honduras, his new home. A good many years have passed between eighth grade and now. Richard is still a deeply important brother to me, more than I can say.

The middle of June will mean the departure of D. and Corrie Merricks and their two little boys that I love. They'll be closer to their families and new ministry opportunities in Georgia, but four of my 'tent pegs' are getting pulled up from the ground. I begin to realize how I will miss them, how their lives constitute, in part, my life. Things may feel a little strange, a little less secure as they go.

In the bookstore a few days ago, I sat reading book by a woman who interviewed many people -all of them older than one hundred years. One woman remarked that the world was missing the point of life. She said we were too worried about making money, achievement, and acquiring security. The point of life abides in sharing it through relationship.

I am struck by how important the lives of others can become to me. There are many I would love to write about and describe how I love them. We let people into our lives, that vulnerability deserves great respect and care. Love changes us though. And love is real. When I have the patience and the courage to gather attentiveness and wait with Jesus in prayer, I remember how his love is evidenced by a new creation in this frustrated heart of mine. He matters deeply to me. His love is true.

Our lives are a great opportunity to deeply matter in the lives of others. We can take that wonderful risk. Jesus has led the way.

Good News and Fear

I read an account this morning of a guy who became a believer in Jesus when he suddenly realized that for nearly forty years he had been fooling himself into thinking that he was good. He saw in a moment of realization that he wasn't actually good and that he couldn't do anything about it. He remembered what he had heard about Jesus, whom he had previously scoffed at. Only Jesus could make any change in his situation. He believed.

The Gospel is so simple you have to be taught not to believe it.

My two favorite Malcolm Muggeridge quotes:

"We have educated ourselves into imbecility."

and

"The depravity of man is at once the most unpopular of the Christian doctrines and yet the most empirically verifiable."

One of the comments on the conversion account I mentioned above was that a God who threatens people and forces conversion through fear should not be followed. I have found no relief from fear but in the loving invitation of Jesus to be freed from a dependence on myself and the world around me for salvation. As long as my hope lies in anything other than Jesus, all I know is devastating uncertainty. I know better than to trust myself.

My only hope is the payment for sin Jesus made to His Father on my behalf, the ongoing work of recovery from the damage of ruin that the Holy Spirit upholds, and the Home that waits for me.

Without Jesus, my trajectory is fixed on meaningless decay and the desperate dismal fear of helplessness to change anything.

With Jesus, all things are made new and his perfect love casts out all fear.

One of the deepest fears is that, if we really look into it, we'll find that love isn't real. Haven't we seen enough pain to make us doubt that love is possible? We do our best to keep distracted or tangled in intellect. It's too dangerous to look love in the face: what if we find empty sockets and a mocking lifeless skeletal grin? It is frightening. "I'll follow any destructive fancy if I can only protect myself from my deepest fear- the discovery that even God cannot be trusted for his love is a lie!"

I have no magic words, no unstoppable clever turn of phrase. I do believe that the love of God is alive, it's true. The beauty of it will break your heart, the strength of it will carry you to your deathbed, the purity of it will wash away the dark dream of fear. When the morning comes your own face shall shed light enough to lend brilliance to the dew.

Reproach, Approach, Reconciliation

When the Israelites finally entered the promised land God said he was 'removing the reproach of Egypt from them'. (Joshua 5:9-12) Here are some definitions of reproach (which is related to reprobate):

reproach (n.)
c.1420, from O.Fr. reproche (12c.), from reprocher "to blame, bring up against," said by some Fr. etymologists to be from V.L. *repropiare, from L. re- "opposite of" + prope "near." But others suggest *reprobicare, from L. reprobus/reprobare (see reprobate). The verb is attested from c.1489.

reprobate (adj.)
1540s, "rejected as worthless," from L.L. reprobatus, pp. of reprobare "disapprove, reject, condemn," from L. re- "opposite of, reversal of previous condition" + probare "prove to be worthy" (see probate). The noun is recorded from 1540s, "one rejected by God." Sense of "abandoned or unprincipled person" is from 1590s. Earliest form of the word in English was a verb, meaning "to disapprove" (early 15c.).

This word has a sense of a lack of relational proximity, of being unwanted, blamed, undesired, worthless. The Israelites were a people who were not wanted or valued. As they enter the promised land God removes that reproach. Have you ever thought about what it would feel like to hear this from God? It's like he's saying to them, "No one wanted you and everyone thought Egypt was so fantastic, right? I am the real God, think about it, who am I with? You or Egypt? I love you Israel."

Then in the New Testament 2 Cor 5:16-21 we are told we have been reconciled to God through Christ and are now given the message of reconciliation.

Reconciliation is a neat word. Check this out. Reconcile comes from conciliate which comes from council. Check out the etymology of council:

council
early 12c., from Anglo-Norm. cuncile, from O.N.Fr. concilie, from L. concilium "group of people, meeting," from com- "together" + calare "to call". Tendency to confuse it in form and meaning with counsel has been consistent since 16c.

So reconcile has in it a sense of having been 'called' out of separation and into attachment. There's an element of proclamation. The people of God were an unloved, unwanted, people of reproach in Egypt. But there has been a proclamation of reconciliation. God wants relational proximity, loving nearness. Watch this: instead of reproach we have approach. God removes reproach with his own approach and call of reconciliation. You are loved, wanted. Didn't he prove his love? When did he die for us? While we were sinners, slaves, unwanted, unloved, under reproach. That is when he approached us and called us together in attachment to himself.

Now we call out on his behalf to those who live under reproach. Now we approach them. We call them to gather with us with the true God who does want them to be near him through Jesus' loving work- his own death for reprobates.

ps. Want to know what the cooooooolest site ever is? www.etymonline.com
pps. Yes, I'm a word-dork.